Click? ish...

Every time I want to write a post saying "CLICK! We finally have it! I've figured out this whole baby thing!", stuff happens. My nipple, which felt pretty good for a few days, is suddenly being eaten off again. My other breast isn't pumping as much milk, leaving me to worry about why. Why is the right side so stellar at milk production but hurts like hell, and the left side is finally kind of feeling ok, but sucks at giving up the milk? The baby, who slept til 6 yesterday morning, woke up at 4 this morning. The baby, who rarely cries when going down for naps, cried this afternoon. The last nap of the day, for which we have been using the swing, will undoubtedly just go terribly in the near future, simply because it can. And I am just waiting for bottle feeding to blow up in my face, keeping me hostage at home. Or for Dexter to decide that he loves bottles more than the real thing. And then we'll have to buy formula. Which is expensive. Or I'll have to pump all the time. Which is annoying.

And then I think that perhaps I should go be a productive member of society. Go back to work. But will there still be a job for me? Maryland racing is going to the crapper. Someone may buy the tracks and turn them in to malls. The state is trying to take over the tracks to "save racing." But a state-run track sounds like a disaster. One of these days they are going to realize that the people who are currently doing my job at work are perfectly capable of doing it without me there. And why do I need to be a productive member of society, anyway? I am doing fine being at home, driving aimlessly around town, hitting every drive-through we can find, to keep the baby sleeping for a while in the car. Today we visited my old barn, and drove through Ripkin Stadium and Susquehannah State Park. Just killing time. And thinking. One should not be allowed to think quite so much, I think.

And then I come home and think some more, instead of actually DOING stuff, like cleaning the house for the company who is arriving tomorrow. And I write blog posts instead of cleaning the bathroom. And I think "gee, a nap would be nice, but there's only 25 minutes til Dex wakes up again and really, what's the point of trying to nap for such a short period of time?" And there's a huge long list on the board of stuff I really SHOULD be doing, but instead I do, well... not a lot. What do I DO all day? Besides keep a kid alive? Is that enough? Is it enough that I do a couple loads of laundry, cook dinner, and then drink some irish cream and watch America's Next Top Model in the evenings? Do I hang out with my husband enough? Do I walk the dog enough? Perhaps I could do something super crazy like, I dunno. Dust? Vaccuum? Clean the bathroom? Clean the spit-up off the chair? Am I doing enough for my child? Should I be teaching him more? Playing with him more? Talking to him more? Sign language? Sending him to college classes already? Shouldn't I get my ass off the couch and do some damn sit-ups so I could perhaps not be so fat? Shouldn't I go to the gym in the evenings instead of drinking irish cream and looking for something to watch on the TV? They have TV at the gym, too.

Shouldn't this baby be sleeping for longer periods of time? Why are you not sleeping, child? It is, at least, the good nipple's turn this feeding. Hooray!

Happy Easter, Bawk Bawk and all that fun stuff. The paparazzi is coming to town this weekend, so soon there shall be some more cute pictures of Dexter. I think today I have nothing. Sorry. Oh, wait. Maybe a picture that John took while he was home with Dexter last Saturday. Here you go.