On Gray Hairs and Finally Breathing

Dear Dexter,

Since March Daddy and I have been waging a small battle on your behalf, mostly invisible to you.  Which is perhaps the wrong approach, because you've got a new interest in war and battles, so this battle may well have been interesting to you.  Or maybe not, because it involved a lot of writing.  Which is perhaps not the kind of battle you want to participate in.

It would seem we shouldn't have to battle, right?  You're a good kid.  You're doing well in school.  Your teachers are great, and they seem to "get you," which is a relief for sure.  So why the battle?  Precisely because you ARE doing so awesome in school, with all the supports you have in place.  Because you're doing a nice job of meeting some of your goals.  And the fear we have is that school will say "he's doing so awesome, he doesn't NEED all this support we're giving him.  The data doesn't show he needs it."  And then your services would POOF!  Disappear.

So Daddy and I worked together, with the help of our awesome friend Ms Carin and some very useful websites, to voice our concerns, legally, in your IEP, where your teachers would have to have an answer for each concern.  Your teachers stepped up last spring and created a really excellent IEP that covered your needs and told who you were as a student.

As soon as school started this fall we asked for your three year re-evaluation, with additional testing for Gifted Services.  Because you've been coming home from school every day since Kindergarten telling us how bored you are, and how you never learn anything in school.  And that re-evaluation, right there, took years off your mom's life, my dear boy.  The emotional toll of waiting, and writing down ALL THE BAD THINGS, even if that's not the entire picture, (because school needs to know ALL THE BAD THINGS so they understand why you need services), and filling out the little bubble questionnaires, as if a seven year old can be accurately portrayed with bubble answers...  Years off my life, kiddo.  Years.  And many gray hairs.  The waiting.  The not knowing.  The hoping you're doing well in school, but NOT TOO WELL - don't let them see you succeed too much, lest they take away the very things that make you so successful!

I didn't realize how much I'd been holding my breath, and mentally preparing my next fight, until we got the evaluation report yesterday.  And now, finally now, I can breathe again.  YES to an OT consult, for your sensory issues.  YES to Speech Therapy, where they are working on some minor pronunciation things but also working on communication skills and how to talk appropriately to peers.  YES to Social Skills, where you bring home excellent social knowledge and sometimes even remember to apply it to real social situations.  YES to Friendship Group, where you can work on those social skills with neurotypical peers.  And, finally, YES YES YES to Gifted Services.  When your new IEP goes in to place in December some time, you will begin to be pulled a few times a week to work in small groups, on projects that will interest you.  So so very perfect for you.

Last night I had a chance to chat with your teacher and with your Special Ed teacher.  They both adore you.  They both are looking out for what is best for you.  They both commended you for how much progress you have made at school this year - your anxiety continues to decrease, you continue to make progress regulating your emotions independently, you continue to be the best Dexter advocate there is, totally unafraid to speak up and say "Dude.  No.  Nope.  I'm not doing this."  Also, you are making Mrs. Younger so very proud, making HUGE strides in your willingness to write.

Daddy and I have certainly not been alone in this process.  You've been a big part of it - you've been pulled out of class multiple times for testing.  You've been observed.  You've had feedback meetings.  People are in your room frequently, watching you and taking data on your every move.  You're under a microscope all the time at school, and I imagine that can be stressful.  We're grateful that you've been able to deal with all the disruptions as well as you have.

Will Daddy and I continue to worry about you, and continue to prepare for battle?  Absolutely.  Constant Vigilance.  But I do think that maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to breathe for a little bit.

Love you lots,
Mama

PS - for a good month now you've been calling me Mom, and Daddy Dad.  You've made the transition fairly seamlessly.  Me?  Not so much.  I can't get used to it.  I'm trying.  But it's so very odd to me.

Iron Girl Syracuse 2016

It was time.  Finally time.  A year after I saw Jeanne do her first triathlon at Iron Girl Syracuse 2015, it was my time.  July was jam-packed with so much biking and so much running (and probably not enough swimming).  I was feeling ready.  It was time.

We headed up to Jeanne's house on Friday afternoon, and reunited with Dexter, who had been at Grandma's house all week having a wonderful time.  Erin was delighted to see him.  Dexter was... probably a little sad to see us.  He enjoys being the only kid.

Reunited, and it feels so good...

Saturday morning we did some swimming at lovely Green Lakes State Park (Erin did not partake in the swimming.  Too cold, she said).  And then Jeanne and I loaded the bikes on the bike rack and headed over to Oneida Shores County Park to pick up our packets.  We had to leave the bikes overnight.  Our numbers were miles apart - Jeanne was 81, I was 497.  So Jeanne was racked on the very first row of bikes, and I was on the 6th row.  We were hoping for numbers close to each other so we could set up transition next to each other but alas, it was not meant to be.  No worries.  Jeanne swam in a different wave than I did, so I was never in transition at the same time as her.

Erin doing what she does best - supervising the work of others

We found ourselves a good spot on our respective bike racks, left the bikes to do some shopping, got our backs cracked by some students at the Chiropractic College, and then headed out to drive the bike course.  I had ridden it once back in June, but I wanted to see it again so I wouldn't get lost, and so I would remember some landmarks - where on course do I want to take my last drink of water so it's not all sloshy in my belly when I run?  Where on course do I want to eat some energy blocks?  Where do I turn?  This last one was fairly un-necessary, as Iron Girl had volunteers at every corner, and there were plenty of people around me to follow.

Mandatory Iron Girl fence picture

Also mandatory Iron Girl blow up thingy picture

Collecting my packet

Looking for my row in transition

Nice spot on the rack, and not too crowded.  I ended up switching my bike to the other side in the morning, as everyone was facing the same way.  So the switch gave me some more room.

Bye bye bike.  Have a nice night!

Saturday night we prepped our tri buckets - water in the water bottles, electrolyte tabs in some water bottles, number on helmet, number on race belt, snacks, somehow jam all that crap in to a bucket and maybe a bag, too for extra water bottles.  And then bed.  Sunday was an early morning, and Friday night I slept like crap because kids who haven't seen each other for a week are more obnoxious than usual when sharing a room.  So Saturday I was in bed by 9.  Threatened the dog to keep his nose away from me all night, as we were sleeping on Jeanne's Buddy-height futon.  And then I slept great.

So much stuff.  I didn't wear the pink shirt - it's was just the free shirt I got with my entry.

Sunday morning way too early wake-up.  I don't even remember what time.  4?  Way too early.  Breakfast.  No coffee.  Yes Immodium - I didn't want to be pooping all morning.  Put on tri suit, some pants and a long sleeve shirt over.  Perfect weather on Sunday morning, just a tiny bit chilly, nice and sunny.  Perfect.

Dom graciously offered to drive us to the race.  We grabbed our stuff from the car and headed over to wait in line for number marking - they write your number on each arm, and then your age (or really, what age you will be on Dec  31) on one leg and maybe a nice picture on the other leg.  And that's when it happened.  Me, clutz of all clutzes, didn't even see the curb.  It was dark.  And down I fell.  Cut my toe.  Big old road rash and a cut on my knee.  Bleeding.  Fortunately I was wearing pants - it could have been way worse.  And fortunately Jeanne has all kinds of crap in her tri bucket so she gave me a wipe to wipe away the worst of the blood.  Jeanne went and fetched her first aid kit from her car (thanks, sis!) but there wasn't much to be done - nothing would stay on during my swim in the lake, and the cut was right on my knee so I didn't think anything would stay on during the bike ride, either - too much moving.  I was not psyched to take my open wounds in to the lake that had been closed the week before for too much e coli in the water.  But, nothing I could do but take my bloody knee and carry on.

Getting numbered

Booooo, sad knee

The back of my legs.  My age, and a swim, bike, run picture

The part of the day when I essentially let ALL the air out of my front tire.  And then got to pump it ALL back in.  I blame Jeanne's fancy-pants pump...

Set up my stuff at transition, wandered over to steal some of Jeanne's baby powder for my socks and some of her fake spit for my goggles.  Not sure how I'd ever do a tri without her and all her crap there, too.  Swung by the first aid tent to have them basically just pour some water over my wounds (thanks for nothing), went down to the beach to check out the swim course and take a few pictures.  Fairly soon it was time to put on swim socks and leave transition.  Get all your stuff - 2 swim caps?  Check (I am silly and cannot put on a normal swim cap and successfully tuck my hair in.  So I wear my cheating swim cap under my race one).  Ear plugs?  Check.  Water socks?  Check (you have to run on pavement, and exit the zebra muscle lake.  Swim socks are a must.)  Goggles?  Check.

Pretty sunrise through the Iron Girl inflatable

There's my bike, with all my stuff ready to go.

And there's my stuff.  Just need to put on my swim socks.

I had to pee, but only kind of.  The line for the potty was long, and apparently lots of people did NOT take Immodium, so the report was that the potties were a bit yukky.  So I didn't pee.  This was a mistake.  Note to self - PEE before the race.  Jeanne said "I'll just pee in the lake."  So that was my plan.  Pee in the lake.  Except I forgot.  So while I was biking I was thinking "Man, I have to pee."  And when I was running I was thinking "Man, I REALLY have to pee."  Having to pee while you run DOES NOT make you run faster.  It simply makes you have to pee in your tri shorts a bit.

Excellent signs from the kids.  We had What what chicken butt and Go Aunt Jeanne last year for Jeanne's first Iron Girl.  And this year Dexter made GO GO GO and Win the Race.

Double cap, with goggles under the second cap so they stay on.  Two caps is actually handy if the water is cold - keeps you warmer.  Not an issue here - the water was decidedly not cold.

We chatted with some of Jeanne's friends, and then spotted Mom and Dad and Maria.  Then we put on our swim caps and headed over to the start area.  One last high five and it was go time.  Jeanne was in the old person wave at 7:12 AM.  I was in the not quite as old person wave at 7:16 AM.  I got in the water, found a place near the front and near the outside so I didn't get pinned in, and got my goggles wet.  Forgot to pee.  Quick countdown and it was time to swim.  There were LOTS of people - more than at Lums Pond in June.  I crashed in to people a few times, but I had a decently clear swim.  I just never settled in to a swim rhythm (you know any time in my life I type the word rhythm, in my head I am hearing my elem school music teacher yelling out R-H-Y!  T-H-M!  No idea what her name was.  But I certainly know how to spell rhythm.)  I never thought about my high elbow catch, or my hip rotation, or keeping my head down.  And this.  This was a problem.  I got through the swim fine, but I was winded.  And I am sure I can do better.  Swim time, 12:34.

Pre-race cuteness

Waiting for my turn in the water

Somewhere out there is probably me

Swimmers across the entire course.  Four minutes between waves, but that doesn't mean the waves don't mix.  I was passing some people from the wave before me by the end of my swim.

Coming out of the water, my hand hit bottom once.  Twice.  So I stood up.  And then the damn water got deep again.  Ah, well.  I'll just slog through the deep water.  My run to transition was fine - they had TWO people telling runners there was a curb to step down.  Where were those two people earlier when I busted my knee?  I was glad I did one last check in the morning to look for markers to find my bike aisle, as the one I spotted on Saturday afternoon was gone.  So my walk-through on Sunday morning worked well, and finding my bike was no problem.  Correct aisle, looked for the space giraffe.  Dried my feet, socks and shoes on, glasses and helmet on and buckled.  And then it was time for gloves.  I need a better glove solution.  Gloves on wet hands is difficult.  I thought I could do it on the run to the "out" where I mount my bike.  But no.  Couldn't.  Had to stop, put on gloves, and then continue running out.  I don't think I could do it on the bike.  Pretty sure I would fall over.  T1 time, 2:59.

Running from the lake to transition

Once on my bike I was set.  My ride was great.  The entire bike ride I felt great.  I focused a little on slow breathing and fresh legs, but trying to catch and pass people sometimes took over.  But still - great.  My bike shifted the best it's ever shifted.  I didn't drop a water bottle.  I remembered to eat my energy blocks.  I caught up with someone with short hair and the name "Rachel" on her running number (worn turned around, on her back.)  So I asked "Are you Rachel, like Carrie's Rachel?"  Knowing Jeanne had two friends, Carrie and Rachel, who were also doing the race.  Lo and behold, it WAS Rachel, Carrie's Rachel.  So I rode with Rachel for a while, but eventually passed her and didn't see her again.  I drank my last drink before the train tracks, and then I did actually focus on fresh legs and easier gears to keep my legs feeling ok for the run.  I did my bike section in 1:01:18 for the 18 mile course.

Coming in to T2 after 18 miles on the bike

Somebody crashed fairly badly coming in to the final road leading to transition, so we all went a bit slower.  My transition was smooth - bike on rack (that's the hard part), helmet and glasses down (or did I hang them from my handles?  Maybe that's what I did.), pick up hat and number (remember to pull shorts legs down while doing this), and run out while putting on hat and number.  It was good.  It was fast.  51 seconds.

There's me, middle of the photo, racking my bike before I head out to run.

And off I go, buckling my race belt (has my number attached to it) as I run out.

I was happy to see my cheering squad on my way out to run - Erin looking grumpy on John's shoulders, Dex holding up a sign, Mom and Maria cheering.  And then I was off.  I'd been working hard on my running for the month leading up to the race, as it's definitely my weakest link.  I made some definite progress, and my times kept getting faster and faster during training.  I never felt great, but it's running.  I never expect to ENJOY running.  So I ran, and I was pretty fast for me.  29:41 for the 5K, with a pace of 9:35 per mile.  Probably close to the fastest 5K I've ever run.  I saw Jeanne halfway through, as the course is an out and back one.  But I never caught up to her.  She had about five minutes on me by then, as she started four minutes ahead of me and had a faster bike than I did.  It was cool seeing her, though, and giving her a high five.  The run is flat, and it just feels like it goes on FOREVER.  And then at the end you have to run across the sand for a little bit, which slowed me down.  Saw my cheering squad when I was close to the finish.  And then I was done!  And then I immediately went to a potty so I could pee.

There's me back center, gloves and white hat, slogging across the sand.  Sand.  Booo.  I hate sand.

Waving hi to my cheering section close to the finish line.

So I had a good race.  I felt fine when I finished.  My total time was 1:47:20.8.  89th place out of 600 or so people.  I think 17th in my age group, out of close to 100 people.  Too many 40 year old people do this sport...  My knee felt fine through the race (my arthritic crappy knee).  My bashed up, fell off the curb knee felt fine through the race, too, but started hurting after I was done.  I'd like to settle in to my swim better and swim like I know how to swim.  I think that just takes more practice, and more races to get the jitters out.  I'd like to run better, and not have it be so hard.  And that's my focus for this fall.  I took two weeks off and sat on my butt.  Now I am back to doing some exercise, and running is going to be my focus.  No more tri's this year, but I'll do a few 5K's.  I know I need a goal out there.  A race I have paid dollars for to keep me motivated to continue training.  So I've got a few on the calendar.  I'll work on some running.

DONE!

Thanks to Jeanne for the initial inspiration, the training plans she sent me all winter from her tri swim class, all her activity tracking on Map My Ride that kept me motivated in a "I've got to go ride my bike some more if I want to keep up with Jeanne" sort of way, her wisdom in setting up transition, her supplies, her support, and her pictures.  It was a great experience to do this with my sister, and I certainly would not have ever done it without her.  Jeanne just emailed me a link to a 70 mile tri in North Carolina next year, asking if I wanted to do it.  NO.  NO WAY.  You have to run 13 miles.  13!!  That is 10 more miles than I ever want to run, ever.  So, no.  You go do it, Jeanne.  I'll come cheer for you.

Iron Girls.  We rock.

With Jeanne's friend Tina

Also many thanks to the kids for putting up with so many trip to the YMCA so Mama could exercise.  So fortunate they both enjoy Child Watch there.  And huge thanks to John, who manned the ship for many a long weekend bike ride.  Especially in July, when I pulled a few "can you just feed the kids dinner and put them to bed all by yourself so I can go to the gym and then go to Movie Night?" kind of evenings.  You can't do a tri on your own when you have kids.  Everyone has to sacrifice.  My family made the biggest sacrifice and for that I am incredibly grateful.

Awesome family, doing awesome cheering

Thank you, family!!

Next up?  5K's this fall.  Start back with some swimming when Dexter starts swim team practice again.  Bike for fun, when Erin has school.  Work on some arm strength.  Start going to my fun CrossFit class again.  And Iron Girl 2017.  Jeanne says I only have to take 12 minutes off my time to win my age group...

Also click HERE and HERE for a couple fun movies that Google Photo made.

Summer Adventures

Cuz I know how to show the kids a good time...  We've been doing some little mini adventures this summer.  Dexter has had a couple weeks at home without summer camp, and we planned a few little day trips to keep us busy between swim team practices and Acting Class at school and Mama's need to swim, bike, and run so she doesn't die at Iron Girl on Aug 7th.

Behold - Summer Adventures (the July edition):

Clearly the kids are psyched about being at the Fair Hill Horse Trials - so excited they're not even watching the horse jump the fence next to them.

They actually enjoy going to watch horses jump.  They check out all the fences in the area and decide which one has the best view.

It's the "Stop Taking My Picture" face from the kid who is desperate for a hair cut.

Pretending to be horses

Daddy spent July 4th weekend spreading mulch.  The kids were sad when it was gone, I think.  Erin did have a wonderful time being the "Mulch Director" and telling Daddy where to put the mulch.

On Tuesdays in the summer they have a program at Winterthur for kids, which means all three of us got in to Winterthur for an amazing, unheard-of price of $10.  At the very end of our day we checked out the kids stuff they were doing.  But our main focus was just the wonders of Winterthur - the Enchanted Woods, the fish in The Glade, and the Reflecting Pool.  I forgot how excellent Winterthur is for the kids - they had a wonderful time.  Here's a link to a video from our Winterthur adventures.

Dexter enjoyed dancing through the mushrooms

Magical

Mama Bird

So much fun feeding the fish

Erin named her favorite fish, and was calling them over to her.

Double the kids, double the trouble

Dex didn't believe there were reflections, as he could not see them from where he was standing.  He was impressed when I showed him this photo.

Also this week, my dear friend Dave Telesco and his son Joey visited us.  They drove up from Florida to go on a backpacking trip with Kenny and his son Anatoly, and then were kind enough to drive a bit out of their way to pay us an overnight visit before moving on to visit Joey's cousins outside of DC.  I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with Dave, and the kids LOVED playing with Joey (who is 12 now.  12!  Unbelievable).  Joey was a tremendously good sport, playing with Dexter and Erin both at the pool, playing with toys that were way too young for him in our basement, and soundly beating Dexter in a couple games of chess.  Dexter was super excited that Joey spent the night in his room - it was the first time that's ever happened.  Poor Joey probably didn't get much sleep.

Then we went to the lake for a week, which will get its own post some time.  It was wonderful and relaxing, and everyone was sad when we had to leave the lake house and return home.  So we tried to fit in some more summer adventures to make up for us being sad and missing the lake:

Superb playground in Rising Sun, that also has a little stream running through it.  The kids enjoyed looking at fish and throwing rocks in to the water, and Erin actually slid down a very large, very long tunnel slide.  This girl is getting brave in her old age.

That superb playground is conveniently right down the road from an EXCELLENT local ice cream place, Kilby Cream.

And Kilby Cream has its own superb playground, which the kids took advantage of after gobbling up their ice cream.

Sometimes  adventures don't even require us leaving the house.  After summer homework, Dexter and I were looking for a fun activity while Erin was sleeping.  We decided on making Rice Krispy Treats.

Take a wild guess at who cut the Rice Krispy Treats?  He cut the entire pan in to eight pieces.  Two pieces for everyone.  Two pieces that were exactly the size of Dexter's head.

Our most adventurous adventure of the summer happened Friday and Saturday, when I took the kids to Northern Virginia.  My dearest friend and college roommate Cristin was visiting her family for a few days, and since Northern Virginia is WAY closer than San Francisco, we went for a visit.  Erin demanded that Cristin play with her the entire time, and the following day Cristin sent me a message saying she kind of missed Erin bossing her around all day.

Erin enjoyed feeding Baby Levi, Cristin's nephew.

After we left Cristin and her huge crazy awesome family, we drove 15 minutes down the road to Crystal City and checked in to a hotel.  The kids were SO excited - they LOVE hotels.  And I was SO excited when this amazing person knocked on our hotel door:

Hooray, it's Gina!!  She's back from a two year tour of duty in Germany, and she was working at the Pentagon this week and staying in our hotel, as the furniture for her house had not yet been delivered.  Here she is showing the kids her normal uniform for work, and how all her fancy things go on to her uniform.  Gina is very fancy these days - Col. Oliver!  Steve (who is still in Germany), is fancy as well - General Oliver!  We have very fancy friends.

It was really nice for me to have Gina with us for an evening, as she's an excellent mom and jumped right in helping with the kids.  It made me smile to see her walking down the sidewalk holding both kids' hands, and to watch her move Erin's water glass away from the edge of the table approximately 136 times at dinner.  The kids very much enjoyed visiting the Air Force Memorial with Gina - we went there for a better view of the Pentagon.  And we all loved seeing Gina's house.  Dexter loves house tours.  The best part of Gina's house?  It has an ELEVATOR!  How cool is that?  Here's a link to a little movie from our visit.

Gina pointing out some DC landmarks to Dexter.

Gina and the kids

Gina never changes.  She pretty much looks exactly the same now as she did in high school.

While visiting with Gina was super fun, the kids were most excited about staying in a hotel.  They love, love, love hotels.  Like, enthusiastically and LOUDLY.  It it tremendously exhausting to be with them in a hotel because I have to tell them to be quiet about 3,275 times.  And sharing a room with them is not exactly restful.

The kids shared a bed.  It would have, on a normal night, taken them about three hours to settle down and sleep while sharing a bed.  But since we didn't even get in bed til 10, it only took about 30 minutes for them to crash.  A new record, I think.

From Gina's window we watched an excellent sunset, and also could see the Pentagon if you looked carefully down the road.  From our window you could see...

The POOL!  We spent over an hour on Saturday morning swimming in the pool.

We also spent a good ten minutes doing this, up and down, up and down, while waiting for the pool to open.  I believe the hotel was probably delighted to see us leave.

On our way out of town Dexter wanted to go to the Air Force Memorial again.  The previous night we were unable to go right next to the monument because one of the Air Force bands was there performing a free concert, and the memorial was their stage.  So Dex wanted to go back so he could touch his favorite spire of the monument.

I can't remember which one of these (exactly the same in every way) spires was Dexter's favorite.

But, hey.  Wish granted.  Go touch them.  And see some DC landmarks again - see the Washington Monument over Dexter's arm?

AND - look who joined us?  Gina spent the morning at her house with the painters, but they finished up and she was leaving right as we got to the Memorial, so she came over to see us for a few minutes before we hit the road.  Now that Gina is living two hours away again, we look forward to seeing her more often.

The car ride home from DC is never without traffic jams, and this trip was no exception.  I-95 is terrible, always.  We did avoid the terrible DC Beltway going home, though, and took I-395 right through the city, which was cool - we drove right past some fun stuff and waved at Jefferson through the window.

What to do in a traffic jam?  Take pictures on your phone, obviously...

Since we were going to go over the Rt 40 bridge instead of the much more expensive I-95 bridge (Gina, take note - get a commuter plan for the Hadem bridge on your EZ Pass.  Saves you dollars if you travel that way a lot), we decided we'd better make a pit stop in our old town of Havre de Grace.  We drove past the old townhouse, and then made a stop at the best chocolate store in the Universe:

Mmmmmm, Bomboys

And we finally made it home around 5.  The kids were super excited to see Daddy, and asked that he join us the next time we stay at a hotel.  Just so we can ALL lose sleep.

We've also been using the outdoor pool at the YMCA.  We went yesterday after Erin's nap to swim and to eat pizza for dinner.  Finally the pool is warm enough that Erin will get in without screaming and crying.  Which is nice, because when you spend a lot of money to use the outdoor pool, you kind of want all the family members to actually SWIM in it.

On tap this week is more swim team practice for Dexter (the last week - yay!), plus a free science camp at the library in the afternoon.  AND Dexter has qualified for the big league swimming championships that take place on Friday and Saturday this week.  He'll swim Freestyle and swim in the Medley Relay team on Friday morning (no idea what he swims in the medley.  My guess is backstroke).  Saturday morning he swims backstroke.  If he's one of the 12 fastest times he'll go back in the evening for the finals.  We're not expecting that to happen, but we do think it's pretty cool that he qualified for the big meet, and we're really proud of him.  He's got a big old engine in his strong long legs, and when he remembers to turn his engine on his backstroke is super fast.  Best of luck to our big fish this weekend - we hope he has lots of fun!