Fascination

I've known a boy or two in my lifetime, so I realize that life for them is kind of all about the penis. Think with penis. Act with penis. Always the penis. But I didn't realize this fascination began SO GODDAMN EARLY. I mean, seriously. Dexter is six months old. Six MONTHS! And as soon as the diaper comes off, the hand goes right down to the penis. Is it still there? What's it doing there? What are these other squishy things down there? Any fun streams of liquid coming out down there? No? What can I do to make that happen?

John changed Dexter's diaper yesterday and noticed the immediate penis grab. He said he decided it was no big deal. Which is what I thought for a couple diaper changes, too. Till the dreaded poopy diaper. With subsequent poop all over both hands. I told John that and he said "Huh. Yeah, I guess I didn't think about that."

So I guess I don't have much hope in Dexter ever just kind of... forgetting? That there's a penis between his legs? And ignoring it? Because he is, through and through, a boy. The best plan of attack for now, I think, is to discourage the penis grab during diaper changes. All of them. So perhaps Dexter McPoopy Hands can be a thing of the past.

Also, when does this child get a sense of feeling, and knowing that something he is doing to himself is painful? Because the force with which he grabs his penis and balls and twists them in his little hands... It kind of makes me cringe. And I'm not even a boy.

A quick news feed, completely unrelated to penises. AKA: I should probably make this a separate post but I am too damn lazy to do so...

1) Oatmeal + formula mixed in to one sticky pasty mess = instant success in one baby's eyes
2) Said success may mean the end of daily pumping for Mom (yay!)
3) On the other hand, formula is, I think, gold dust or something. Ridiculously expensive.
4) Stick a finger in Dexter's mouth. Go ahead. Go for it. Feel that sharp thingy? Bottom, front, on the right hand side? I do believe that's a tooth. The little nub of a little tooth. In my not so little boy. Now go ahead. Let the baby chew on your finger...

And now, in more unrelated to anything kind of stuff, a photo story from Dexter:

Hey, look! Dad's shoe! Looks like a fun toy to play with while Mom is in the bathroom. What shall I do with it?
I'll try it on my foot. That's what Dad does with it.
Hmmm. That didn't work quite like I had hoped.

Ah, yes. THIS. This is much better. A much more appropriate use of shoes.
Umm. Ick. This shoe tastes like Dad's foot. And a little like CoCo's butt...

It Takes a Village

Dexter, CoCo, and I safely made it to New York yesterday. Getting one small boy and one small dog to New York in one small car is no small feat. I owe some thanks:

Thanks, CoCo, for being the world's most perfect traveling companion. Every time I looked in the back seat you were sleeping (which is more than I can say for your brother). Every time we stopped you waited patiently for your turn to go pee. Every time it was time to get back in the car, you happily jumped right in (or got a boost from me, poor old dog who can no longer jump in to the car). You're allright, fuzzy brown dog. We'll keep ya.

Thanks, Wendy's in Clarks Summit, for having a quiet corner in which to park and nurse a baby, as well as a retaining wall that was the perfect height for a diaper changing table. We'll stop again on our way home. It also helps that you have kick-ass chocolate Oreo Frostys.

Thanks, built-in XM radio. Would lose my sanity without you.

Thanks, Opie and Anthony, for the 20 minutes of show replay I got to listen to while the baby was sleeping. Sorry I can't listen more - little ears, and all.

Thanks, baby feet, for being an excellent source of entertainment for Dexter for the entire trip. You were the only thing he could not throw out the side of his car seat. Lord knows he tried, but you kept coming back in.

Thanks, Huggies diapers, for containing stinky baby poop with no leaks. My love/hate relationship with you has now swung back over to "love."

Thanks, Lansing, NY, for being a place that people wanted to move to and raise their kids. Because of you, I have five amazing girlfriends who will be friends for life. We don't get to see each other often enough, but it's great fun when we do.

Dexter found himself a new woman friend. She looks pleased, eh?

Thanks, Chik-Fil-A, for putting pickles on your chicken sandwiches. And for being closed on Sundays, which is when John usually is in your vacinity, so he cannot eat you. So then when I go visit you, I can make him very very jealous.

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for being a fun place to come visit. The pool, the food, the beer, the ice cream, the beer, the beer, and the beer...

Thanks, honey, for being the best husband ever. I love you. We'll be home soon. Enjoy that middle of the bed while you can!

The main reason for my trip north - to meet these two cuties, and to see their mom for the first time in way too long.

Beanpole

Dexter had his six month doctor visit today. He got weighed and measured and chatted to the doctor and pooped on the exam table and had some vaccinations and cried and nursed and took a nap on the way home. All in all a full day!

The boy is doing phenomenally well. They weighed him at 18 lbs 3 oz (nah, he didn't gain a pound in five days. Different scales, and he was wearing clothes today). That's like the 55th percentile. And they measured him at 29 inches. Which is... kind of off the chart. 95th percentile, they are calling it. Basically, what we have on our hands is a tall skinny future NBA player. Who John is determined to teach to be a point guard, because white boys get their butts kicked down in the post position when they are in the NBA. John's also determined to make him a pro baseball player, but me? Meh. Baseball is boring. And basketball players have way better arms...

Dex and I are packing our bags and tomorrow we are OUTTA HERE! Going to our swim lesson, then making a trip to New York to see some old friends and to swim in Grandma and Grandpa's pool. And eat. A lot. And also freeze our butts off. Highs - 75. Lows - 55. 55!! Jesus. That's like winter! We have packed plenty of pants and jackets. We are sissies.

Just call me Beanpole
Practicing playing "hoops"
95th percentile in cute

I Love Days Like Today

When everything goes well. When the baby sleeps. When the TV is off all day and the dog and I are just hanging out, waiting for the baby to wake up. Ahhhh. Heaven.

It all starts with Dexter actually sleeping til 6:30. Like, actual honest-to-goodness SLEEP. None of this waking up at 5:30 and chatting to his books kind of thing. So then he's not too tired during our morning walk. And he goes right to sleep after our walk. And sleeps forever. And then he's not too tired in the late morning. And again he goes right down for a nap. And sleeps (current calculation) for two hours.

And I've got nothing going on except laundry and making a grocery list. And maybe making some brownies for my cute husband, simply because he is cute.

It's a good day.

We had a particularly messy oatmeal day today... Blow the photo up (by clicking on it) to get the full effect!

Half a Year

You roll on through the year, with a new baby, and people ask you all the time how old he is. Six months, you say. And then you stop, think about it, and realize that, holy shit! That's half a year! HALF a goddamn YEAR! Which is insane. Or, as John so succinctly puts it - half a year down, seventeen and a half to go! ;-)

Where did half a year go to? It seems so fast, and yet so slow all at the same time. I can barely remember when Dexter was this tiny:

Cute baby, maybe an hour old

And yet, a year ago we were just getting back from Yellowstone. And that doesn't seem like all that long ago.

I was, at this point, like 14 weeks pregnant

Anyway, here's what Dexter is doing these days, on his half a year birthday:

We started oatmeal a few weeks ago, played with it for a week, decided Dexter hated oatmeal's guts, and stopped for a week. I just reintroduced it this week, and thus far it's been a huge success.

Dex is "drinking" formula out of a sippy cup. Meaning - he can take the sippy cup spout and put it in his mouth. And he can get liquid out of the spout. And then? A vast majority of it spills down his bib. One day we'll get that swallowing thing down. All in good time...

Hmmm. Didn't all fit. Better spit some out.
Got Milk?

Dexter is sitting up on his own, no support needed. I still put pillows behind him - he uses them to catch his balance, and they catch him when he falls backwards. When he does face plants, though? Nothing there to catch him. Except his nose.

Woo-hoo! No hands!

Fortunately there was a ball here to catch me when I fell this time.

Dex and I go for backpack walks every morning. He loves touching the street signs, grabbing the leaves on the trees, petting the cedar trees, and looking at the birds in the sky.

Cool! Cedar tree.

Dex is trying like mad to get to a sitting position on his own, from his back. It's great fun during nap time, when he's on his back with his head raised way up in the air. How about you go to sleep, baby? No, thanks, Mom - I'd rather work on my six-pack. Ridiculous abs, this child has. I am jealous.

Mr. Rolly Boy can very efficiently roll from back to belly, belly to back. And I think (I need to watch him in his crib some time to be sure) that he is getting close to doing so over both arms. For a while, he could only roll over his left arm. It's fun to watch him roll over to his back when you try to do some tummy time. Tummy time, be damned, he says! I thwart your tummy time with my rolling!

Dexter started swimming lessons this week. He is, I believe, half fish. Which I suppose is not surprising, as he still has spent more of his life floating around in fluid than he has actually breathing air. The instructor was amazed that this was his first time at a swimming lesson. He was awesome - went under water and everything.

The dog is the most fascinating thing in Dexter's life these days. She walks in to the room and the world stops for the baby. He gets an excited little pant going, and just watches the dog. Who inevitably stops, looks to see where the baby is, goes somewhere else far away, lies down, and goes to sleep. Exciting stuff, I tell ya.

Dexter is also tremendously fascinated by his penis. Typical boy. It's a favorite toy while in the tub or in the pool. And it cracks me up when he's standing in his pool and pees, and then reaches his hand down to try to catch that stream of stuff coming from his penis. What is that stuff? And why can't I grab it?

Sleep is... Well, it depends. Some days it's a 30 minute nap here, and hour and a half there, and 45 minutes in the afternoon. Some days it's 30 minutes, 30 minutes, and a long nap in the late afternoon. Some days there's no late afternoon nap. Some days he goes to bed at 6:30 like a champ. Some days it's rough, man. So, basically, he sleeps like a baby. I try to roll with it and not stress too much. Which is hard for me, but I think I am getting better.

POOP! Holy poop! Holy every day, stinky, lots of poop! This solid food thing is for the birds...

Dexter is, at last measurement (today), 17 pounds 1 ounce, and somewhere around 27 inches long. Hard to tell - he's a wiggly little sucker.

Happy Birthday, cute boy. You rock.

Things I would post if I ever updated my Facebook status

I screwed the pooch with dinner tonight. Perhaps we should have beer and blueberry pie, instead.

Reading Playboy's "Forum" article of gloom and doom over the U.S. economy. Which got me thinking - perhaps this isn't the best time to be unemployed...

The secret to life may well be a 6:30 PM bedtime. We'll see how it plays out in the morning.

Walking three miles with Christie? No problem. Walking a mile and a half with a baby on my back? No problem. Bring it on, Jillian. I feel good.

Disgusting and sweaty after walking through the soup this morning. Summer + Maryland = ICK

OMG, Baby. The 30 minute naps are KILLING your mama. Go to goddamn sleep!

Totally bummed that John reminded me that I will be 35 in a few weeks. Freaking old.

Already stressing about how we're going to fit things like sheets and towels and toilet paper and a dog in to our little car for our vacation. That we don't take for another month.

Dog plus baby at vet's office. Actually went a million times better than expected. Good kids.

Was just at the big playground, people watching. Reaffirmed my belief that at least two thirds of the population should not be allowed to have children.

Two dollar Tuesdays at Bomboys. Marvelous idea.

Baby just made two ounces of formula disappear from his sippy cup. A vast majority of it ended up in his bib. Wonder if I can just recycle it back in to his cup...

Wonder what's for dinner tonight? Ah, crap. That's MY job.

Friends just had a baby boy, eight weeks premature and in the ICU. Makes me grateful for the good experience we had. I'll take 41 weeks and induced any day.

I worked today. I made sixteen bucks. I'm not sure it's worth it.

Made up for last night's dinner failure tonight, with enchiladas and a peanut butter rice krispy treat from Bomboy's. Gotta have a side dish, right?

Obligatory cute baby photo? CHECK!

Back(ish) to Work(ish)

I am, kinda sorta, back to work. Mostly from home. And just helping to organize a few events. Until September. And then I am done.

This is going to be taxing, though, as I already have a SUPER busy schedule. How am I also going to fit in working from home? Check it out - my schedule right now looks something like this:

5:30AM - Alarm goes off. Grumble, moan. Dog gets up and looks at the bed expectantly. Get up, let dog out, pump.
6:00AM - Go to basement to have Jillian kick my ass. This actually is going surprisingly well. I am not as out of shape as I had imagined. Give me a week or so and I might even move up to THREE pound weights...
6:30AM - Breakfast, watch the local news so I can see what kind of traffic I don't have to drive through, and what kind of weather I don't have to go out in.
6:45AM - Get the baby out of bed, change diaper, feed baby
7:15AM - Put baby in backpack, toss it on my back, say good-bye to Dad, go for a walk around the neighborhood, stopping to look at each and every sign, tree, and fence (there's LOTS)
8:15AM - Get baby ready for a nap
8:30AM - Baby naps, I shower, then inevitably eat another breakfast, then surf the internet
10:45AM - Get baby up, change diaper, feed. Play with baby. Often involves "swimming" in our "pool"
12:30PM - Baby naps, I surf the internet
3:00PM - Get baby up, change diaper, feed. Play with baby.
4:30PM - Baby naps. I freak out because I have no plans for dinner. Quick pull something out of the freezer and figure out what to make. Also run around the house doing some chores so John doesn't think I just sat around and surfed the internet all day
5:30PM - Grumpy baby gets out of bed just in time for John to come home. Hand off grumpy baby to John. Welcome home, honey! Finish dinner.
6:30PM - Feed baby, hand him off to John to put him to bed for the night.
7:00PM - Baby is in bed. Eat dinner, or clean up after dinner. Either walk with Christie, ride a horse, or nap on the couch. Or, perhaps, surf the internet.
10:00PM - Feed baby, fall in bed because I have had such a long and taxing day...

See? Where, oh where, am I going to squeeze in an hour or so of work a day?

It's a lot of work, getting a kid to look this cute
It's even MORE work getting him to look THIS cute! ;-)