Four

Time's a weird thing. On the one hand, it seems like Dexter has been a part of our lives for much much longer than four months. And yet on the other hand, it doesn't seem like all that long ago that I was riding my sweet Frazier at Susquehanna State Park, enjoying him for the last time before I sold him. So, you know, I could get pregnant and have a baby and stuff.

I was reading some of my old blog entries the other night, and was amazed at what I had written just two months ago. First of all - my boy used to be THAT SMALL? And that funny looking? And also, what's this whole getting up in the middle of the night to nurse a baby thing? And he used to only be 12 pounds? Really? It seems like he's been in the 14 pound bracket for ages.

It's funny how the new normal replaces the old normal so quickly. Now, if the baby cries at the end of a nap there's something wrong. And if he cries at the beginning of a nap there's really something wrong - like Mom kept him up too long. Wake in the middle of the night? Unheard of! Not able to suck his thumb? That's insane. What? We used to not swaddle the boy? What were we thinking!

I know this child so very well, and yet every time I think I know him like the back of my hand, he goes and changes. Or maybe I just don't know the back of my hand as well as I think.

I am proud of me. It's been at least a week since I've picked up and read one of the "How to Make Your Baby the Smartest, Cutest, Most Well-Rested Baby in the Universe" books. I was reading them constantly, and stressing. This week? I'm reading about the guy and the dog he had to put down, and the guy who studies wolves. And did you know that Matthew McConneghy has a daughter, and he's not married to his baby Mama? You, too, can read that in old issues of People Magazine that are passed down from nice, kind, loving friends. It's been a good week. And (coincidence?) a week where the baby has decided that, hey, longer naps are good, thankyouverymuch.

I was cracking myself up today, actually, responding to someone on a "How do I make my baby brilliant and get him to sleep forever and ever and ever amen" list serve. She was wondering how to move her baby to a four hour feeding schedule. And my response? Is what you're doing working? If you're happy, and your baby is happy, roll with it. To hell with what the book says. Books stress you out. And then? I giggled. Because? Hi, Pot. I am Kettle. Pleased to meet you!

I am sure my less stressed attitude will last about three more seconds, and then I will get back to being me again. But for now? I am enjoying this cute four month old baby even more.

So, on his four month birthday little Dexter has a cold. Poor kid. He's still in good spirits. Just sporting a runny nose. I was sick yesterday, too. So we all slept a lot yesterday.

My last four month thought. It saddens me a bit that on the same day of the month that I celebrate my son being born, our friends mourn the loss of their little girl (she passed away on August 30). It's not quite fair, is it? But, knowing those friends and how much they kick ass, they would not want me to be sad. So - Happy May 30th! Go out and celebrate. No stressing. Just go out and have fun today.

The many faces of a four month old child:

curiosity
shock
ppppbbbblllttttttttt
strength
all hopped up on caffeine. Or something
somehow up to no good
fageddaboudit
resolutely ignoring the dog
pure cute

My Match.com Profile

Hi. My name is Dexter. I am a man, never been married, and I am looking for women between the ages of 3 and 14 months. I'm looking for matches within walking distance of my house.

I grew up in the US, and I don't believe in astrology. I think. Or at least my mom won't tell me what my sign is. Actually, I don't think she knows.

I am two feet, three inches tall, 15 pounds. My hair color is blonde, and my eye color is ambiguous. Changes depending on what I am wearing. My body type is athletic and toned. Everyone lies on these profiles, right?

I enjoy walking and riding in cars, so maybe that counts as auto racing. In my free time I enjoy looking at mobiles, touching the grass, watching my dog, and looking at light fixtures. Oh! And ceiling fans. I love me some ceiling fans. Some of my favorite places - the car, the stroller, and my mom's chest.

What would I enjoy sharing with my dates? Exploring new areas, dining out, gardening, music, and travel. A few of my favorite things? I enjoy classical music, plus any silly song that my mom sings at the time. My favorite TV show is anything that is on the cool flashy box. I also like the lights on the stereo. Oh, and the pictures on the digital picture frame. And my favorite food? I haven't branched out much, so I'd have to say... breast milk. Although I have had some water and that was ok, and I downed some formula the other day just to broaden my palette. What's the last thing I read? Umm. The Runaway Bunny, I think. I have also recently read Green Eggs and Ham, That's Not My Puppy, Hush Little Baby, and Skip to my Lou. And have you read That's Not My Pony? I'd highly recommend it.

I exercise 5 or more times a week on my gym, I do not smoke, I drink every three hours or so, except at night when I am sleeping, and I consider myself a full time student. I am studying life, in general, and when I grow up I want to be able to walk and talk. And maybe play professional football. I do not have children, but I have a really cool stuffed horse named Frazier.

My current income is way way less than $25,000. I currently have a dog, and I like horses. At least Mom says I do.

I am white, and I guess one could say I am agnostic. Who knows. Mom is currently ignoring that aspect of life, so I suppose I will get to chose for myself later.

I speak a special language, kind of a mix between wookie and Nonna-speak. No worries if you can't understand it. Nobody else seems to be able to, either. My level of education is minimal, but I am willing to learn. And I have no political views.

I am the only child. If I were at a party I would walk right up to anyone and smile and introduce myself. My mom is the comedian that makes me laugh the most, although Dad is cool, too. And if I got a big bonus at work I think I would buy Mom some new carpet to replace all the stuff I have spit up on. If I have two weeks of vacation I'd drive across the country with Mom and Dad.

My date should be between 18 inches and three feet tall, with hair or without. Eye color is no matter. Our eyes will be sure to match one day of the week. And I like a girl with a few extra pounds - so she can stay away from Mom for a couple hours and not starve to death.

Wanna go on a date with me?

I can't believe all this stuff is actually ON Match.com. I've never looked before.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I couldn't decide this morning if I should go to lactation group. On the one hand, I wanted to go because I can not go next Tuesday - Dexter has to go to the doctor for his four month check-up. On the other hand, we have volleyball tonight and two outings in one day is just all kinds of insanity. But then, what if it rains tonight and we don't go to volleyball at all and then I'll have not left the house at all today and I go slightly nuts? And what if the baby hasn't been gaining weight because he didn't eat very much yesterday and I need to have a whole new thing to worry about? And yet, I am tired. I went to bed WAY too late last night. I don't sleep well when John is gone. Plus I was reading Farley Mowat's "Never Cry Wolf." A classic, apparently. Ever read it? It's really pretty entertaining. Autobiographical story of Farley going to the Canadian Arctic in the 1940's to do wolf research. The government wanted him to prove that wolves were killing all the caribou. It's a fun story about preconceived notions and finding out the facts. So, I was up reading late last night and I could REALLY use a nap. So - should I stay or should I go?

In the end, it was Dexter who decided. I suppose I should get used to that. I put him down for a nap at about 8:30. And he slept. And slept. And slept some more. Til about quarter after 10. As booby group starts at 10... we weren't going to go. Good choice, Dex! I'll chose sleeping over booby group any day of the week.

It was pretty cute for a while, really. Both my kids were napping in Dexter's room. Both human and canine. CoCo likes sleeping on the bed in that room.

Here's a few naked baby pictures, from my almost four month old baby. FOUR! Insanity.

Thanks, Mom, for making me cry today

A while ago my mom gave me the book "Rescuing Sprite" by Mark Levin. It's been in my diaper bag for a couple months for me to pull out when Dexter is sleeping and I am parked somewhere. It's a good book for that because it's small, and fairly mindless reading, so it's easy to pick up at any time. Which I did today, for a good hour while Dexter napped (yay!). And I read about this dog, Sprite, who this guy adopted from the Humane Society. And had for 2 years. And then had to put down because the dog was old and sick. So there I am, crying my eyes out in the parking lot of our townhouse unit, baby sleeping in the back seat. And I was STILL crying when I brought the baby inside to nurse. The baby, by the by, doesn't like sniffling noses. Too distracting. Sorry, baby.

While stories of having to put dogs to sleep always make me cry, it's particularly painful now, when my own 17 year old, grey, deaf, cataract eyed, arthritic pup lies sleeping under the Pack-n-Play. She's fine. Really. No threat of her dying any time soon. But, regardless of any "you WILL live forever, dog" pact I may have with the old girl, I know that eventually she's going to die. And I likely will have to make the decision to put her down. And that's not something I relish having to do.

Sure, I've gone through it with other animals. Our first family dog, Tee-tah, died when I was a kid. I honestly have no recollection of how she died. Our next dog, Toby, was put to sleep in the basement. I wasn't home. I think my sister had to deal with that one. My dog ate my guinea pig, but Dad didn't let me see the carnage. My Samoyed, Whitby, was put down after liver failure. I was on vacation. My other Sammy, Nika, was put to sleep because of cancer. I was living in Virginia. We've had a plethora of cats come and go, or just suddenly disappear. I've sent horses off in vans, knowing they were not coming back. I held a student's horse when we had to put him down after he broke his leg. I've called the bulldozer guys to come dig a hole to bury a horse. So I've seen it. I've dealt with it. I know there's a circle of life. I know that CoCo won't live forever.

But it's different with her. She's MINE. She's not the Cowan family dog. She's MY dog. She goes to work with ME. She rides in MY car. She follows ME around the barn. She tentatively licks MY baby on the face. She sleeps in MY bed (granted, not usually on my side. She sleeps on John's side. He's a pushover).

And, when the time comes, it's not going to be easy. I don't know what I'll do. I won't know how to cope. I won't know how to strike the balance between helping the dog and not going to extreme measures. Because on one hand, she's a DOG. I don't see spending thousands of dollars to save a DOG. But, on the other hand... she's CoCo. She's not a dog. She's a small person, wrapped up in brown fuzz, with a wet nose and bad breath.

So, thanks, Mom. Good book! :-) What shall I put in my diaper bag next? Maybe "Horse Miracles" or "April 16 - The Virginia Tech Shootings" or "Angel Horses." All sure to make the hormonal post-partum mom cry in the parking lot again. Maybe I need to start packing Playboy in the diaper bag.

PS - I shall now pass this book on to Christie Zukor to read. Because that's what I do with dog books that make me cry. You're welcome! I'll send it down with People magazine's SPECIAL DOUBLE ISSUE! 100 Most Beautiful People! God bless Gianna for keeping us supplied in mindless drivel. It helps pass the time when I am pumping milk out of my boobs at 5AM.

Hokie Baby

Dexter's got all his Hokie gear. So he's definitely ready to go to college this fall!

A Rainy Tuesday

We've been spoiled here in Maryland with nice spring weather. Dexter and I have been spending lots of play time out in the back yard. CoCo comes out with us sometimes, when she is not snoring. But not today. Today spring is back with a vengeance (really? Is that how you spell vengeance?), with cold rain, no sun - good day for a nap!

Speaking of naps - I was beginning to think that my boy was a weirdo - 30 minutes of naps at a time, and none of this "Oh, my 2 month old sleeps for two hours - doesn't yours?" crap. Then I re-read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which says that at about 4 months of age a child's brain develops enough so that he can start to consolidate his daytime sleep. So naps start to develop. Starting with the morning nap. AND - in the past week or so Dexter has been doing just that. Sleep 30 minutes in the morning, wake up, suck thumb for a while, go back to sleep. HA! Take that! My kid just may be NORMAL! All y'all with the sleeping kids - YOU are the weirdos! ;-)

Dex weighed in at 14 lbs 15 oz this morning at lactation group. Judging by the amount of poop in his diaper this morning, had he weighed in before breakfast he'd have been over 17 pounds...

I get competitive at lactation group. Quietly so, but still. Competitive. Silly, right? I'm all checking out everyone else's weights to see how big their baby is. 14 pounds? HA! My baby will kick your baby's ass. Only ate 4 ounces? HA! My kid just guzzled 7! Your baby was 25 inches at his last doctor appt? HA! Mine is currently 7 feet tall. Your kid only sleeps on your chest at night? HA! Mine sleeps in his own room. The DOG may sleep on my chest, though... I, of course, don't actually say any of these things. Probably for the best.

On Thursday last week I was chatting with Christie and I told her something to the effect of "I am taking a baby and a dog to volleyball tonight. I may want to shoot myself when I get home." And then off we went to John's work to watch our team play volleyball. And? It went way better than I thought it would. The baby was great. Ate well, kind of went to sleep in his car seat, played nicely. The dog? Well, the dog was a pain in the ass. THIS is why I didn't take her to volleyball at all last year. Now I remember. It's because I can no longer yell at the begging, annoying dog because she is DEAF. So when she wanders over to another group of people, begging pizza crust, I have to go get her and poke her and make her come back. Also - she is a sissy. By the end of the night she was shivering with cold. Remind me next spring to leave her shaggy coat on til about July... So - this week Dex and I will go to volleyball. I may actually even play. And CoCo? Well, CoCo will stay home. Which she's fine with. Volleyball disrupts her evening nap.

I used to make fun of people waiting in line at the drive-through at McDonald's. Why not park your car and walk your lazy butt inside to order? And then I had a baby. Who sleeps in the car. I now hit every drive-through place I can think of. What I really want? A drive-through candy store. Someplace where I can get M&M's, and maybe a bottle of water, without taking the sleeping baby out of the car. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Will they let me carry on a backpack with a laptop and a camera, plus another backpack with a breast pump, on the airplane? Where, pray tell, shall I pump in the airport? Or in the plane? I can't imagine sitting in the airplane bathroom for 15 minutes, pumping away, while someone waits in line doing the pee-pee dance.

Pssst. Chatty baby. GO TO SLEEP!!

Double fisting the toys
Happy Memorial Day, Dex! We celebrated by eating hush puppies at the Promenade Grill.
Happy Moo-morial Day, Dex! We celebrated by eating ice cream at Bomboys.
John's idea of funny. If you stick the ball on to the baby's foot, he can't drop it on the ground...
Just cuz there's a ball on my foot - doesn't mean I can't play with the other foot, too!

Sunshine and Smiles

It's been a fun couple days for Dexter and I. Gorgeous weather, fun stuff to play with.

I just started using my exersaucer. I can't quite sit up in it yet, but I'm ok with that.
All these toys attached to the exersaucer, and I am chewing on Leon, my favorite toy that Dad likes to hate.
Mom caught half a smile from me. Damn! How'd she trick me like that?
Tricked me again! Note how I am SO not looking at the camera. Mom has to trick me by putting the camera on something, then sitting next to it and making ridiculous faces at me. And then I laugh at her and Mom tries to push the shutter button quickly.
Ummmm. Mom? You're insane.
Sweet! This brown fuzzy thing has cool hangy-down toys that I can grab on to and play with!
Mom and I must be related. We're making exactly the same face. It's the "why the hell are you taking THAT picture" face.
Do you think I look mildly E.T.-ish when Mom tickles my neck and makes it stretch out? E.T. phone home! Also - check it out! I appear to be growing a chin!
And then I erupted spit. Party over.