Phobias

Dexter has been battling a fear of sun spots for going on four years now.  I can't even BEGIN to wrap my head around it or understand it, but for him it is a real fear that makes his blood run faster and makes him feel like he is on fire.  It has gotten to be difficult to be sympathetic, as his anxiety has morphed in to a fear of any light shining on water.  Even just regular old overhead lights.  We've got the pros working on it now, along with a slew of other fears - movies, assemblies, fire drills.  And as difficult as it is for us to understand what is going on in his little head, I imagine is is a million times more difficult for him, as these are real fears, that cause real physical reactions in his body.  We are all delighted that his swimming championship meet is on a Friday night.  Good, said Dexter.  There won't be any sun spots!

The small one, however.  She's just crazy.  Her current list of phobias include:

1)  Heffalumps.  Goddamn Winnie the Pooh and his ridiculous bad dreams.  I read that story to her one time, long ago, and she was a wreck all night long.  So I've not read it to her since.  But what did John read to her a couple weeks ago, before bed time?  The Heffalump story.  And now she'll go on and on, just at random times during the day, about Pooh's house and how it's just one room so the Heffalump was just looking for food, but Pooh could see it because his kitchen and his bedroom are in the same room, and Mama?  You know what?  I was happy that Pooh made the Heffalump cry.  For the love of God, child.  Heffalumps.  ARE.  MADE.  UP.

2)  Skunks.  One time she smelled a skunk outside, and I told her skunks spray smelly stuff out of their tail.  Now she is petrified of skunks.  Yes, skunks probably come in our yard.  No, skunks don't come in to our yard til late at night, long after you are in bed.  No, skunks will only spray you if you bother them.  No, skunks will not come on our deck and look in our windows.

3)  Monster trucks.  Yes.  MONSTER TRUCKS.  Mama?  I am just a little nervous that a monster truck will come and smoosh our car in the parking lot when we are in Wal-Mart.  Seriously, child?  Monster trucks?  I can't even.

So that's our kids.  So long as there are no sun spots, Heffalumps, skunks, or monster trucks they ought to be mostly normal.  Mostly.  Below is a picture of Erin and Dex at McDonald's on Monday.  A miraculous breakthrough was made in the diet of Erin, who actually ATE HER NUGGETS for the first time ever.  So, yeah.  I'm not so certain about her normalcy.