Big

Dear Dexter,

Today was spring. For a day. Today was a day where we could do things we haven't done since, oh, November or so. Go to the playground. Play on your swing set all afternoon. Today was a day when I was faced, abruptly, with the fact that you are so very big. Today, when we pulled up to the stop light by the playground and you said "swimming" because that's also the stop light by the gym and the pool. Today, when we pulled in to the playground parking lot and you immediately signed "swing." Today, when we climbed on the playground equipment and you walked up and down the stairs instead of climbing. Today, when you went down the curly slide on your butt instead of your belly. Today, when you stepped over the railroad tie with no assistance needed. Today, when you saw yourself in the security camera at the grocery store for the first time and were delighted, then hid from yourself so you could jump out and scare you. Today, when you climbed up the ladder to your swing set all by yourself for the very first time. Today, when you ate an entire fillet of fish WITH YOUR FORK, and then ate about seventeen bowls of cottage cheese. Oh, today. Today you were big.

And yet, today you climbed in to my lap for a snuggle instead of just climbing over my lap to reach your cars. Today you came over to give me a big hug in your room, and offered me a kiss. Today you fell off your slide and needed me to kiss your owie to make it better. Today when I swinging next to you, you kept reaching over to me. I thought you wanted to hold my hand. No, you said. That wasn't what you wanted. And then you leaned over a bit further and kissed my arm. And right there my heart melted in to eleventy-billion pieces of strawberry jello.

I love watching you be big. I love watching you grow up. I love seeing you off playing and inventing new fun games all by yourself.

But, oh, please don't get too big. Too fast. Please don't lose that "I just need a kiss and a snuggle" attitude any time soon. You're the perfect combination of big and baby right now. I know, some day soon, you'll run out the door with nary a "bye-bye." You'll be embarrassed to give your old mom a kiss. So days like today. Today when you are so big, and yet still so small. Today is a day I need to remember. Nicely done, today.

I love you.

Mama