The Difference

When your first baby is Autistic, you don't really notice.  Sure, maybe you wonder why he's not talking yet, but all the other little things don't really register.  You do a little screening test.  Does he point?  Ummm.  I think so?  Does he look you in the eyes?  Ummmm.  Sometimes?  Sure, he lines up his cars and walks on his toes.  But in your eyes he's pretty perfect.  And without another kid to compare him to, you just roll along with what you consider normal.

And then kid 2 comes along, and you know kid 1 is autistic, and so you're hyper-aware of the little signs.  And you know it's not fair to compare kids.  Especially boys to girls.  Especially only children to children who have a big brother to emulate and adore.  But you can't help but notice the difference.

When the baby points to something and says "A DAT?"

When the baby hears something, pays attention to that sound, and says "A DAT?"

When the baby is talking is 5 word sentences at 21 months of age, when kid 1 said nary a word til age 2.

When the baby looks your square in the eye, gives you an evil grin, and then does something naughty.

When the baby uses hand gestures.  Palms up, shoulders raised, "I dunno" kind of gestures.

When the baby says "Wook!  Wook, Mama!" and holds up her hands.  "SSSSSSSS."  Ah, yes, baby.  I see.  I see your imaginary snake.  Thank you for showing me.

When the baby notices people, and babies, and desperately wants to go say hi to them if only she was not so shy.

When the baby has conversations with her stuffed animals.  Talks to them.  Makes the voices so they talk back to her.  Feeds them food.

When the baby sits in her crib singing "Snuggle Puppy" instead of sleeping, and will happily have a dance party when there's music.

They are little differences.  But you notice them.  And you breathe a little bit of a sigh of relief.

And then the baby lines up her cars and walks on her tip toes.  And you panic a bit.

And maybe that's the difference, really.  That you're so much more aware the second time around.  Looking for the signs.  The signs that make you panic.  The signs that give you relief.  It's an interesting thing, really, raising a neurotypical baby after raising an Autistic one.  It's not easier.  Ooooooh, no, she's certainly not an EASIER baby.  But it's interesting.  The difference.

PS - Shout out to my friend Carol, who is riding her bike from DC to Dewey Beach in a couple weeks to raise money and awareness for Autism organizations.  Have a great ride, Carol!  Her fundraising page is HERE.